- The Way We Haunt Now
- Episode Eleven – The Rebound
- Other transcript formats
- For more information: www.hauntnowpod.com
- Twitter: @HauntNowPod
- Instagram: @HauntNowPod
Season Two
Episode Eleven – The Rebound
COURTNEY
All episodes of The Way We Haunt Now deal thematically with death and dying. Many contain mild horror elements. Take care, listeners.
SCENE 1
BACKGROUND SFX: Hotel room tone; AC humming in the background. Non-diegetic creepy music.
EULALIE
Um, excuse me?
SFX: Ghostly rustling.
EULALIE
Hello? I just need to get by…
SFX: Ghost hisses and groans.
EULALIE
(shrieks and catches her breath)
Don’t pretend I’m disturbing your final resting place or anything like that. This is a hotel closet! You weren’t here when we checked in. And I need my raincoat.
SFX: Ghost hisses again. Very melodramatically.
EULALIE
(getting angrier)
Isn’t there some sort of cosmic statute of limitations on hauntings? I was just properly haunted a few weeks ago.
SFX: Ghost moans sarcastically. Eulalie leans her head against the wall with an audible bump sound and talks into the wall.
EULALIE
(talking to herself)
What did I do to deserve all of these ghosts? At least with Frankie there was a specific cause. But I haven’t been to any thrift shops. I haven’t tinkered with any antiques.
(sighs, getting upset)
And yet. Ghosts. Everywhere I turn. I am so, so tired. And I just want my fucking raincoat so I can go get some fancy soup and try to pretend things are normal for half a second.
SFX: Pause, as if the ghost is considering, and then it hisses again. As Eulalie starts to shout in the next line, the hotel door swings open.
EULALIE
(losing it)
Oh, that’s the way it’s gonna be? DON’T MAKE ME GET THE ROSEMARY!
SFX: Ghost whooshes away; Parker hurries to shut the door behind herself.
PARKER
(as Eulalie is shouting)
Eulalie? Who are you yelling at? W-What’s wrong?
SFX: Eulalie bangs her head against the wall again.
BACKGROUND SFX: Creepy music fades out. Hotel room tone remains.
PARKER
Eulalie! You’re scaring me. What’s the matter?
EULALIE
(into the wall, on the verge of tears)
I just wanted some soup.
PARKER
Eulie… (frustrated sound) Can you turn around? I can’t talk to you when you’re facing a wall.
EULALIE
(into wall)
Okay, fine.
(sniffs, a pause as Eulalie turns around; she sighs)
I was yelling at the ghost who decided to hang out in our closet today.
PARKER
(hesitantly)
O-Oh. Was it…one of the ghosts from…that whole thing?
EULALIE
From the time I tried to rescue the ghost who put me in the hospital? Sadly, no. It seems like Alicia was right about them avoiding me. This was a random ghost. Like all of the other ones I’ve been seeing lately.
PARKER
Wait. You’ve been seeing other ghosts?
SFX: Pause while Eulalie doesn’t respond.
PARKER
For how long?
SFX: Pause while Eulalie still doesn’t respond.
PARKER
HOW. LONG?
EULALIE
…since I got out of the hospital.
PARKER
(angry, sarcastic laughs)
Okay. I need to sit down.
SFX: Parker pushes past Eulalie, drops her keys and purse, and sits heavily on the bed.
EULALIE
Parker…
SFX: Eulalie walks over.
PARKER
(angry)
You’ve been seeing ghosts all this time and you haven’t said anything to me about it?!
EULALIE
They haven’t interacted with me, for the most part.
PARKER
That’s not an excuse! You’re seeing ghosts! And, Eulalie, I can tell you’re still struggling with everything that happened. I’m still struggling with everything that happened. And I’m happy to be here with you, Eulalie, I really am. But you’re not getting any better and we don’t have a plan and––
EULALIE
––that’s not fair, it’s only been––
PARKER
––and we can’t do this forever. We can’t afford this forever. We can’t even afford staying here for as long as we have. And now you’re telling me that there was a ghost in our closet?!
EULALIE
(makes a small strained sound)
PARKER
(makes an exasperated sound)
Eulalie, we need to go home.
EULALIE
You know I can’t go back to the apartment right now.
PARKER
And you know that’s not what I mean. We need to go back home. Mom and Dad would be so happy to see you. And you would have the time you need to work through all this. Without worrying about work, or-or where to stay, or…
EULALIE
I told you already, I can’t.
SFX: Eulalie sits on the bed next to Parker.
EULALIE
(sighs)
You’re right. I’m not better. But it’s only been a few weeks, Parker. Something huge happened to me, and it’s been less than a month. I just need more time. I’ll figure it out. But if I go home…I was just starting to come into my own. And now I’m hanging on by a thread, and if I go back, I…I don’t think I’ll even have that thread anymore.
PARKER
(makes a dismissive sound)
No. You don’t get to tug my heartstrings right now. You’ve been lying to me.
SFX: Parker stands up. Footsteps as she moves.
PARKER
(sighs, getting upset)
Do you know what I think? I think you’re afraid to go home because you know it will help. I think you want to be haunted and you want to be broken and so you won’t let Mom and Dad get close and you’re pushing me away.
EULALIE
(strangled)
You think I want this? Any of this? I almost died, Parker. I don’t know if I still have a job. I can’t even go home. And I am trying to deal with all of that and… You know what? No. No. I am not explaining myself again.
SFX: Eulalie stomps to the closet, yanks out her raincoat, and shrugs it on.
EULALIE
I am going to get some soup. And then I’m going to stay at Alicia’s. And If you want to go back home so much, maybe you should go.
SFX: Eulalie yanks open the hotel room door.
EULALIE
Maybe you should leave before I get back.
SFX: Eulalie slams the hotel room door.
BACKGROUND SFX: Hotel background & music fades out. Theme music (simple guitar with spectral oohs and ohs and occasional cymbal crashes) fades in…
COURTNEY
This is The Way We Haunt Now Episode Eleven: The Rebound.
BACKGROUND SFX: Theme music fades out…
SCENE 2
BACKGROUND SFX: A ghostly soundscape of crows cawing, cicadas and frogs singing, and thunder crashes fades in…
NARRATOR
If things had gone according to plan, Eulalie would never have heard from us again. One haunting is quite enough for a lifetime; more than that and the living tend to get morbid. Hang about in graveyards. Hold seances. Wear out Ouija boards. Not that there’s anything wrong with those things. It’s just… You know that thing modern teenagers do? What’s it called… Prank calling? Well, humans who’ve been haunted too many times have a tendency toward supernatural prank calling. They don’t intend it that way. But when you’re a ghost getting a barrage of angsty questions from someone you’ve never met, it does start to feel like some sort of terrible, exhausting joke.
Of course, things did not go according to plan. They so rarely do, unfortunately. Even in the afterlife…
BACKGROUND SFX: Fades out…
SCENE 3
BACKGROUND SFX: Gently chiming music. The creaking of a ghost house.
JOSIE
Mary, I’m telling you, we need to talk to the humans.
MARY
Absolutely not. I just need more time. Someone will know something about breaking a binding.
LOTA
Josie has a point, Mary. We haven’t heard from Frankie in weeks. Her connection to the phonograph seems to be broken. And it’s only a matter of time before those ghost hunters come back. We need to find out how to break the binding, but we-we also need to know how Frankie’s doing now. And the apartment won’t let us anywhere near it. We need the humans.
MARY
Frankie will be furious if we put Eulalie in danger again. And Eulalie has already had too much… interaction… with the afterlife.
JOSIE
Let Frankie be furious. I’d rather have her shouting at me than unable to communicate with us at all. Wouldn’t you? We have no idea what’s going on in that apartment.
MARY
I don’t like the silence either, but… (sighs) Let me think about it. I’m waiting to hear back from Georgie.
LOTA
As in Yeats?
MARY
Yes. She said she’d send an update today. At least give me until then?
JOSIE
Fine. But after that, we do it my way.
MARY
(grudging)
Fine.
LOTA
(chipper)
Fine!
BACKGROUND SFX: Fades out…
SCENE 4
BACKGROUND SFX: Traffic noise, rain.
SFX: Footsteps on the street. Eulalie knocks on Alicia’s door; a pause, and it opens.
ALICIA
(surprised)
Hey! I was just about to text you…
EULALIE
Can I come in? I brought fancy soup.
SFX: Rustling as a brown paper bag is thrust forwards.
ALICIA
(laughs)
I can see that.
SFX: The door opens and then closes; the rattle of the chain. Footsteps as Eulalie walks inside.
BACKGROUND SFX: Traffic noise fades to the occasional passing vehicle. Gentle hum of home background noise fades in.
ALICIA
Is everything okay? I didn’t think you were coming over today. Not that it’s a problem––I’m happy to see you!––it’s just… unexpected.
EULALIE
Everything’s fine. I got some of my favourite soup and thought of you.
ALICIA
Aw. And is it that one that tastes like liquid lasagna?
EULALIE
Yes. With extra bread and butter.
ALICIA
(groans excitedly)
I’ll grab some bowls.
SFX: Soft footsteps as Alicia walks into the kitchen; there’s the clink of crockery as she gets the bowls out. Eulalie’s footsteps follow.
ALICIA
And you can tell me why you’re really here while we eat.
SFX: The paper bag rustles as Eulalie sets it on the counter. The sounds of soup being poured into bowls follow.
EULALIE
(groans)
Do I have to?
SFX: Footsteps as Alicia and Eulalie take the bowls and return to the couch.
ALICIA
Here you go.
EULALIE
Thank you.
SFX: Soup slurping.
ALICIA
(appreciatively)
Mm.
EULALIE
(sighs happily)
So good.
ALICIA
(with her mouth full)
So?
EULALIE
(sighs)
I got into another fight with Parker.
ALICIA
Uh-oh. She ask you to move back home again?
EULALIE
No. Well, yes, but not until the middle of the fight. She walked in on me screaming at a ghost.
ALICIA
Ooh.
EULALIE
I’ve been seeing them everywhere. There was one at the soup restaurant. Ghosts at the bus station. Ghosts sitting beside houseless people downtown. Ghosts on campus. Ghosts at the laundromat.
ALICIA
Oof.
EULALIE
(makes a desperate sound)
…shouldn’t they be invisible to me? Aren’t they—aren’t they supposed to keep a low profile or something?
ALICIA
Yeaaah…that’s really just for people who don’t already know for sure that ghosts exist. Sorry.
EULALIE
Oh.
ALICIA
Yeah.
EULALIE
So, you’re saying I might keep seeing ghosts. Forever?
ALICIA
Hm…I don’t know. It’s complicated.
EULALIE
Do you see ghosts? Is that how you know so much about them?
ALICIA
Not usually, no. It was more… A family connection thing.
EULALIE
Oh. Okay.
SFX: Alicia shifts on the couch.
ALICIA
So, Parker got mad that you’ve been seeing ghosts?
EULALIE
More like she got mad that I didn’t tell her I’ve been seeing ghosts…
ALICIA
Eulalie.
EULALIE
I didn’t want her to worry! She’s been so worried about me already. It’s too much. I’m her big sister. I’m supposed to keep her safe, make sure she’s okay, not the other way around. And I can see it wearing on her. I’ve told her that I’m fine and she can go back home so many times.
ALICIA
But you’re not fine.
EULALIE
I know. As long as I keep having to trying to convince Parker I am, I won’t be fine. I need space not to be fine. I need to be able to feel what I’m feeling and not worry that I’m freaking her out. I need to know she’s not losing sleep over me. Or…putting her life on hold for me.
ALICIA
Have you told her that?
EULALIE
Not… In those exact words.
ALICIA
Maybe you should.
EULALIE
Maybe. (sighs) This is such a mess. I’m such a mess. Parker’s not wrong about that. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t go back home to my parents, and I can’t go back home to my apartment and––
ALICIA
––You could stay here.
EULALIE
––I. What?
ALICIA
(laughs)
You could stay here. With me. My place is small, but we can make it work. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there aren’t any ghosts in the closets here. I’ve got this place warded.
EULALIE
You’re serious.
ALICIA
Yes. Do you need me to use my doctor voice to make sure?
EULALIE
(laughs, and pauses)
Would you?
ALICIA
Okay. (dramatically clears her throat) I’m sorry, Ms Reed, I’m afraid you have acute hotel-itis, which, as everyone knows, is comorbid with ectoplasmic conjunctivitis.
EULALIE
Seeing ghosts?
ALICIA
Yep, seeing ghosts. Mhm. And I’m afraid that the only cure is to move in with me.
EULALIE
(giggling)
Okay.
ALICIA
Okay?
EULALIE
Okay. If you’re sure.
ALICIA
I’m sure.
EULALIE
I feel like this is the kind of situation that calls for a toast.
ALICIA
(gasps)
Oh, oh, oh! I have the perfect thing!
SFX: Alicia runs into the kitchen; two champagne flute glasses clink. We hear soup pouring again…
EULALIE
I-Is that… soup?
ALICIA
Yes.
EULALIE
In champagne flutes?
ALICIA
Yes!
EULALIE
It’s perfect!
SFX: Clinking sounds as Eulalie and Alicia toast!
EULALIE
To new roommates.
ALICIA
To us.
ALICIA AND EULALIE
(soup sipping sounds, sputtering sounds, giggling)
BACKGROUND SFX: Fades out.
SCENE 5
SFX: Smartphone typing…
MYRTLE
So, how’s everyone’s winter break??
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
NICK
If my little cousins drag me to the mall one more time, I swear to dog…
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
CAS
Good. Currently eating a mountain of gingerbread and working on my dissertation. How r u?
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
DANNY
Meh. Same old.
SFX: Smartphone typing…
MYRTLE
Fine. Nothing’s really going on until I head up to my grandparents’ place on Friday.
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
CAS
What’s so bad abt the mall, Nick?
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
NICK
Besides the fact that it’s a pit of commercially packaged despair? The goofs are trying to set me up with one of Santa’s elves.
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
CAS
Oooh, consider me #TeamCousins. And, I guess, #TeamElf.
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
NICK
I don’t need dating assistance from a ten and twelve year old.
SFX: Smartphone typing…
MYRTLE
IDK. Weren’t you just telling us you’re in a dating rut? Maybe your cousins are onto something and you need a little Xmas magic.
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
NICK
I’m gonna go with NO.
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
DANNY
Holy shit, folks.
SFX: Smartphone typing…
MYRTLE
What is it?
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
NICK
‘Sup?
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
CAS
Is that a job-related “holy shit”?
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
DANNY
I’ve just been going through footage, and it turns out one of our cameras at the Eugene exorcism survived.
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
CAS
Woah. For real?
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
NICK
No shit?
SFX: Smartphone typing…
MYRTLE
You’re kidding.
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
DANNY
That’s not even the wildest part, my comrades. It is recording right now. Someone just walked past and set off the motion detector.
SFX: Smartphone typing…
MYRTLE
Are you sure it isn’t an animal??
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
DANNY
I’m sure. It’s one of the people we ran into. The one with the bat.
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
CAS
What is she doing?
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
DANNY
She’s just… Standing on the porch. Staring at the door.
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
NICK
Weird.
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
CAS
Huh.
SFX: Smartphone typing…
MYRTLE
Ooookay.
SFX: Message sending sound.
SCENE 6
BACKGROUND SFX: Traffic sounds.
SFX: Footsteps on gravel. A wraith raccoon chitters.
PARKER
(talking to herself)
Just unlock the door, Parker. Unlock the door and go inside. The poltergeist doesn’t care about you. If you can just go in there… Maybe, somehow, you can help your sister. Or convince her to go home. Or… Something.
SFX: Parker takes a few deep breaths, like she’s psyching herself up, then sighs in defeat. She kicks the screen door, making the wraith raccoon chitter in surprise, then turns around, walking to her car.
PARKER
(under her breath)
Damn it.
SFX: Parker gets in her car and drives away. The tail end of “The Graveyard” by Loyalty Freak Music plays on the radio as her car starts, and then DJ Jon Harker speaks.
JON HARKER
That was “The Graveyard” by Loyalty Freak Music and this is KBOU. Where the only thing scarier than the music is the chance that it might stop. But you don’t really have to worry about that, because I’m here to shuffle the tracks and keep your day creeping along…
BACKGROUND SFX: Fades out…
SCENE 7
SFX: Smartphone typing…
DANNY
You know what this means, right?
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Danny gets a text.
NICK
Bat girl is a weirdo? I think we already knew that.
SFX: Phone notification as Danny gets a text.
CAS
Hah. Good one, Nick.
SFX: Smartphone typing…
DANNY
No, it means we’re running out of time to finish the job.
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Danny gets a text.
MYRTLE
I thought we agreed to walk away from this one.
SFX: Pause. Nobody responds; then phone notification as Danny gets a text.
MYRTLE
Right, friends? I know I didn’t imagine that conversation on our drive back to Portland.
SFX: Phone notification as Danny gets a text.
CAS
Poltergeists are so rare, though, Myrtle. And I really need something compelling in this dissertation if I’m going to convince my committee that this project isn’t just some colossal joke.
SFX: Phone notification as Danny gets a text.
NICK
I never agree to walk away from anything.
SFX: Phone notification as Danny gets a text.
MYRTLE
We don’t have any proof this poltergeist has hurt someone.
SFX: Smartphone typing…
DANNY
Are you forgetting that article about the person who lived there? The woman who got hit by a bus? That can’t be a coincidence. And anyway, if we give it enough time, people will get hurt. We can’t let that happen.
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Danny gets a text.
CAS
I’m with Danny on this one… We need to try again. But we need to take our time and get it right.
SFX: Phone notification as Danny gets a text.
NICK
Same. Majority rules, Myrtle.
SFX: Phone notification as Danny gets a text.
MYRTLE
I should let you all get yourselves thrashed by this thing on principle. But fine. (resigned) I guess I’m in, too.
SFX: Smartphone typing…
DANNY
I have a lead on a new exorcism to try. In the meantime, I’ll keep monitoring the camera footage and let you know if anything interesting happens.
SFX: Message sending sound.
SCENE 8
BACKGROUND SFX: Gently chiming music. The creaking of a ghost house.
SFX: Lota slaps down a handful of playing cards.
LOTA
Hah! Rummy!
JOSIE
Again?! I thought you’d never played this before, Lota.
SFX: Ancient phone starts ringing.
JOSIE
What is that racket?
LOTA
(to Josie)
Oh no, I haven’t.
(shouting)
Mary! Phone call!
JOSIE
(to Lota)
We don’t have a phone. When—when did we get a phone?
MARY
(shouting from the other room)
Why don’t you answer it?!
JOSIE
(shouting)
We all know it’s for you.
SFX: Ghost whooshing sound as Mary appears; she lifts the receiver.
MARY
Hello?
GEORGIE
(through phone)
Mary! And how are you this fine… Morning?
SFX: In the background, while Mary talks on the phone, Josie shuffles a deck of cards and starts dealing, one card for Lota and then one for herself until each of them have ten cards.
MARY
Evening.
GEORGIE
(through phone)
Evening then.
MARY
I’ll be a lot better if you have some good news for me.
GEORGIE
(through phone)
I’m afraid I’m going to be a bit of a disappointment, then.
MARY
Drat.
LOTA
Bad news?
MARY
(whispering to Lota and Josie)
No news.
GEORGIE
(through phone)
I’ve called around to everybody I know, and a good number of folks I don’t know. Nobody’s heard anything about unbinding a poltergeist. Or, if they have, they aren’t saying.
MARY
Well, I do appreciate the effort.
GEORGIE
(through phone)
It was no such thing. Gave me a taste of the good old days, if anything. Do you know, I used to spend hours listening to the telephone and scribbling, scribbling, scribbling. In a regular trance. Automatic writing, you know.
MARY
I do know.
GEORGIE
(through phone)
And if I’d known I’d spend my whole afterlife listening to these geezers telling the same stories they told me then, I’d’ve hung up the phone and found a better hobby. Like cross stitch. Or bicycling. But calling around on your behalf gave me an excuse to talk about something different for a change.
MARY
(laughs)
Well, thank you again, Georgie. I’ll be sure to let you know if I do find anything out.
GEORGIE
(through phone)
And I’ll keep an ear out, just in case. You take care.
MARY
Same to you.
SFX: Mary hangs up the phone and sighs.
JOSIE
So. Tomorrow we talk to the humans, then?
MARY
Yes. Tomorrow we talk to the humans.
BACKGROUND SFX: Fades out…
CREDITS
BACKGROUND SFX: Long version of the theme (simple guitar with spectral oohs and ohs and occasional cymbal crashes) fades in…
COURTNEY
This episode of The Way We Haunt Now was written and directed by Courtney Floyd with sound design by Brad Colbroock and voice acting, in order of appearance, by:
COURTNEY
Courtney Floyd as Eulalie
DANNY
Danny Spiller as The Closet Ghost
MARNIE
Marnie Warner as Parker
KIRA
Kira Apple as The Narrator and Mary
GEORGIA
Georgia Mckenzie as Josie
BECCA
Becca Marcus as Lota
JESSICA
Jessica Winston as Alicia
TAL
Tal Minear as Myrtle
PAUL
Paul H. Rollins as Nick Castlewaight
BRAD
Brad Colbroock as Cas Bromley
LINDSAY
Lindsay Zana as Danny
TIM LOWE
Tim Lowe as Jon Harker
MARGARET
Margaret Ashley as Georgie Yeats
BACKGROUND SFX: Theme music fades out…
COURTNEY
Did you know the poet William Butler Yeats and his wife Georgie Hyde-Lees used the cutting edge technology of their day to try to talk to ghosts? Georgie also practiced something called automatic writing, where you put yourself into a trance and let spirits write you messages from the beyond. Nowadays, we call that social media, and we’d love to wake up from our doom scrolling trances to messages from you. Find us on Twitter @HauntNowPod and on Instagram at… You guessed it… HauntNowPod. And remember to HAUNT RESPONSIBLY.
SFX: Someone turns on a radio; there’s some static as the channel gets tuned in.
JON HARKER
Hey there Oregon homeowners, is your home full of unexplained cold spots, exceptionally noisy plumbing, things that go bump in the night? You might benefit from a free––yes, FREE––consultation with You Haint Seen Nothin’ Yet, a well-trained team of ghost treatment and removal specialists. Book your consultation today at haintseennothinyet.info
Speaking of spooky stuff happening in Oregon, let me introduce Dr. Edison Tucker, who’s here to talk to us about (coughs) “weird-ass” stuff in our beloved state…
SFX: Radio static ends.