- The Way We Haunt Now
- Episode Twelve – The Move
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Episode Twelve – The Move
COURTNEY
All episodes of The Way We Haunt Now deal thematically with death and dying. Many contain mild horror elements. Take care, listeners.
BACKGROUND SFX: Theme music (simple guitar with spectral oohs and ohs and occasional cymbal crashes) fades in…
ELEANOR GREY
This is The Way We Haunt Now Episode Twelve: The Move
BACKGROUND SFX: Theme fades out…
SCENE 9
BACKGROUND SFX: Hotel room tone; AC humming in the background. Rustling as Eulalie folds her clothes and putting them into a suitcase, continuing under the conversation.
SFX: The hotel door opens and closes; footsteps as Parker walks in.
PARKER
You finally decided to come back, huh?
EULALIE
I could say the same thing to you. Were you out all night?
PARKER
Not that it’s any of your business, but no. I was here. (tense pause) So… You’re packing.
EULALIE
Yep.
PARKER
Does this mean you changed your mind about going home?
EULALIE
(sighs, rubbing her face)
No. You know that’s still not an option. But I wish you would go back. I mean, I love having you here, really I do, but I can see how stressed you are. It’s eating you up, and if it’s time for you to go back home, I get it.
PARKER
Then… What? You still can’t go back to your apartment.
EULALIE
No, but…Alicia offered to let me stay with her. And I’m going to.
PARKER
Eulalie…
EULALIE
Look, you’re right, Parker. I can’t stay in this hotel room forever. And I can’t go back to my apartment. But I need space to deal with everything, and I need to do it my own way. I’m not going back home. Alicia’s place is my best option.
PARKER
And what about me? You just expect me to go home without you? Or, what, stay here?
EULALIE
Parker, you’ve dropped everything for me. You’ve been here for almost a month. At some point, you have to go back. Right?
PARKER
(makes an upset sound)
EULALIE
If it makes you feel better, Alicia’s place is warded against ghosts, so I’ll be safer than I would be anywhere else. And if I know you’re safe and not worrying about me, I’ll be able to focus on getting better. Think about it? Please?
PARKER
(muttering)
Sure, use your fancy argumentative writing skills against your defenseless little sister when she’s down…
EULALIE
Parker, I’m serious. Please?
PARKER
(sighs)
I’ll think about it, Eulalie. Okay? I’ll think about it. But I’m not making any promises. And I’m still mad at you.
EULALIE
Fair.
PARKER
You should’ve told me about the ghosts.
EULALIE
I know.
PARKER
Whether or not I go, I need you to promise me something.
EULALIE
Anything.
PARKER
If there are any more ghost shenanigans, I need to know about them right away. I know Alicia’s got some mysterious Ghost Expert thing going, but I want to be a part of any ghost-related business. I don’t want you to get hurt again.
EULALIE
I can probably do that.
PARKER
Good.
SFX: Pause. Eulalie zips up her suitcase.
EULALIE
So, are we good?
PARKER
I’m still mad. I might be mad for a while. But… (sighs) Yeah. We’re good.
EULALIE
Good. Good. Um…in that case, can maybe you can give me a ride to Alicia’s? Turns out it’s, uh, hard to balance a suitcase on a bike rack.
PARKER
(huffs)
Why do you insist on not getting a car?! Weirdo! Let me get my keys…
BACKGROUND SFX: Hotel room tone fades out…
SCENE 10
BACKGROUND SFX: A ghostly soundscape of crows cawing, cicadas and frogs singing, and thunder crashes fades in…
NARRATOR
The problem with planning around humans is that they are unpredictable. They might not think so, day in and day out, bound as they are by the routines they’ve put in place just to survive. The 9-5 jobs, the side hustles, the myriad social activities that promise variety but really act as scaffolds, supporting the vital sense of life and meaning and community beyond work.
But take away, or even just shift, an element of all that routine and everything comes crashing down, like the dominoes in a Rube Goldberg machine. A personal apocalypse. Because really, deep down, humans are chaos, corporealized. Scraps of possibility, tucked into skin and given a little nudge of encouragement. Fascinating and more powerful, more adaptable, than they know. But not always reliable, in a crisis.
And we––Lota, Josie, and I––were absolutely in crisis-mode. With every passing second, the odds of our ever undoing Frankie’s binding plummeted. Ghosts are supposed to be beyond the influence of anything as petty as time, but the clock was ticking for us again. And it was vicious in its movements.
We were desperate enough to reach out. Which, of course, is precisely when Eulalie moved beyond our reach.
BACKGROUND SFX: Ghostly soundscape fades out with a crash of thunder…
SCENE 11
BACKGROUND SFX: Hotel room tone; AC humming in the background.
SFX: Whooshes and the joystick click and power wheelchair motor signal the arrival of Lota, Josie, and Mary.
MARY
Eulalie?
JOSIE
Hello? Hello? Anyone here?
LOTA
This is their hotel room? Right?
MARY
It was.
JOSIE
Looks like they cleared out. Closet’s empty.
SFX: Closet Ghost hisses in protest
JOSIE
Hm, well, except for this rude gentleman.
SFX: Closet Ghost hisses sarcastic thank you sound.
JOSIE
(to Closet Ghost)
Fine. I’ll shut you back in.
SFX: Closet door slides shut.
LOTA
But where would they go? They-They wouldn’t just leave.
JOSIE
The airport.
MARY
It’ll be there or that doctor’s place.
JOSIE
Alicia’s? They could be there.
LOTA
(sighs)
We’ll have to split up. Who wants to take the airport?
LOTA AND JOSIE
Not it!
MARY
Really, you two? (huffs) Fine.
JOSIE
Great. We’ve got Alicia’s, then.
MARY
Excellent. Whoever finds them should make our case. We don’t have time to waste.
LOTA
Yeah, understood.
SFX: Whoosh as Mary leaves.
JOSIE
Let’s go rustle up some humans!
SFX: Joystick clicks and power wheelchair motor starts running as Lota replies. Power wheelchair and voices slowly fade…
LOTA
This isn’t a rodeo, Josie.
JOSIE
I know that. But it does bear a resemblance…
BACKGROUND SFX: Hotel room tone fades out…
SCENE 12
SFX: Smartphone typing…
CAS
Any developments at the Eugene site?
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Cas gets a text.
DANNY
None yet. It’s been quiet.
SFX: Smartphone typing…
CAS
Hmm. Okay. Well, good then.
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Cas gets a text.
MYRTLE
…but odd. No activity at all?
SFX: Phone notification as Cas gets a text.
DANNY
None. Well, some animals on camera. I think. They were… Blurry.
SFX: Phone notification as Cas gets a text.
DANNY
But we don’t exactly have our full set of equipment on site, so I’m not working with a full dataset.
SFX: Phone notification as Cas gets a text.
NICK
What about the new exorcism? Any leads on that?
SFX: Phone notification as Cas gets a text.
DANNY
Ugh. No. I’m still citation surfing. I saw it mentioned in the footnote of a book that led me to a different book that cites this rare-as-heck grimoire…
SFX: Phone notification as Cas gets a text.
DANNY
There’s only one known copy. The good news? It’s in special collections at UO.
SFX: Phone notification as Cas gets a text.
DANNY
The bad news? They aren’t going to let me anywhere near it.
SFX: Phone notification as Cas gets a text.
NICK
It’s almost like they don’t trust undeclared undergrads from out of town with priceless books.
SFX: Smartphone typing…
CAS
Y’all are forgetting I’m a PhD candidate. I can submit a request to visit. It’ll probably take a few weeks, but I should be able to get access.
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Cas gets a text.
MYRTLE
Ugh, and here I was hoping we’d reached a logical stopping point. There’s nothing happening at the site. Maybe our first exorcism worked better than we thought?
SFX: Smartphone typing. Message sending sound; phone notification as Cas gets a text.
CAS
(laughs)
DANNY, & NICK
(laughing)
SCENE 13
BACKGROUND SFX: Sound of the occasional passing vehicle outside. Gentle hum of home background noise fades in.
SFX: Eulalie unzips her suitcase.
ALICIA
Okay, I cleared out a drawer for you, and there’s room in the closet for anything you need to hang up.
EULALIE
(sighs)
It’s going to be nice not to use this suitcase for a while. Thank you. So much.
SFX: Alicia opens a drawer; Eulalie dumps an armful of clothes in.
ALICIA
No, thank you. This place always seems so quiet and empty at the end of the day.
EULALIE
(laughs)
I have a feeling you won’t feel that way when everything is cluttery and we’re bumping into each other every time we move around.
ALICIA
(laughs)
Are you trying to say you’re a messy roommate?
EULALIE
…I mean? I try to stay organized, but… (laughs) I don’t know. Not really? Mostly I was worrying out loud about how quickly you might regret cramming two people into this tiny apartment? I don’t want you to feel… Suffocated by me.
SFX: Alicia takes a couple of steps toward Eulalie…
ALICIA
(quiet and intense)
Eulalie, I’m a grown woman. I more or less understand how space works. And I knew what I was doing when I asked you to stay here.
EULALIE
(whispering)
Okay.
SFX: Electricity crackles suddenly; a ringing sound as ghosts attempt to break through the wards. It starts to rain.
EULALIE
(gasps)
What?!
ALICIA
Something tangled with my wards.
EULALIE
Oh, please don’t say that. Just…maybe it was the electricity cutting for a second?
ALICIA
Maybe. Better safe than sorry, though. Follow me.
SFX: Footsteps hurry to kitchen, cabinets creak open.
ALICIA
Now, I doubt anything will be able to break through, but just in case we’re going to make a bomb.
SFX: Alicia starts pulling ingredients out of the cabinets, setting them down on the counter.
EULALIE
(while Alicia is pulling stuff out of the cabinets)
I…did you just say bomb? You just said bomb.
ALICIA
A ghost bomb! Did you ever make one of those baking soda and vinegar experiments when you were a kid?
EULALIE
…I think so?
ALICIA
Well, we’re doing that. But bigger. And with rosemary.
EULALIE
(sighs)
Okay, this is really weird, but what did I expect? Ghost stuff. Speaking of which…do you think I have time to text Parker? I promised her I’d keep her in the loop on this kind of thing.
ALICIA
Sure. But hurry. I need you to be ready to pour.
SFX: Alicia dumps baking soda and rosemary into mason jars. Creepy sound of ice forming with a soft spectral sigh.
EULALIE
Alicia?
ALICIA
(busy)
Yup?
EULALIE
The windows are fogging over. And your breath…
ALICIA
(breathes out)
The temperature’s dropping because of the ghost, or the ghosts, that are trying to break through. Nooot gonna be pleasant for them, though.
EULALIE
So, what do we do?
ALICIA
We wait. And if we see anything strange we throw a bomb at it.
BACKGROUND SFX: Home background noise and rain fade into the next scene…
SCENE 14
BACKGROUND SFX: Car radio plays as car idles in a parking lot.
JON HARKER
Next on our delightfully macabre playlist? A true classic. And I’m talking Chopin’s “Funeral March,” as performed by Ivan Ilic.
BACKGROUND SFX: Chopin’s “Funeral March” plays under the scene…
PARKER
Just go home, Parker. Eulalie’s moving on, and you need to get back to your life. Just return the rental car and go in and get a ticket and go.
SFX: Whooshing sound as Mary materializes in the car.
MARY
Or… Don’t.
PARKER
(shrieks in surprise)
What the heck!
MARY
We need your help.
PARKER
Is that your whole thing? Going around and scaring the crap out of people and then asking them for help? Because, let me tell you, it might work on my sister, but it doesn’t work on me.
MARY
(muttering)
Were humans always this flighty? (clears throat) I don’t have time to hold your hand and make friends. We haven’t heard anything from Frankie in weeks, the apartment won’t let us near it, and we need to make sure she’s still okay in there.
PARKER
Seriously? That sounds like a you problem. Anyway, she’s already dead, so I don’t understand your rush.
MARY
She’s still a thinking being, even if she doesn’t have a meatsack and a heartbeat. And isolation doesn’t usually work out for the sentient, if you hadn’t noticed.
PARKER
Well, if you hadn’t noticed, we’re at an airport. I’m leaving.
MARY
Which is why you’re sitting in a running car?
BACKGROUND SFX: Car engine switches off, as does the radio. Background parking lot sounds.
PARKER
Fine. I don’t want to leave. But I don’t know what else to do. Eulalie doesn’t want me here, and I can’t keep staying in that hotel…
MARY
Stay at the apartment.
PARKER
(incredulous)
The apartment that tried to eat my sister?
MARY
It’s stable now. Probably. And it never tried to eat you.
PARKER
You just want someone on the inside, to keep tabs on your poltergeist friend.
MARY
Yes.
PARKER
Yes? That’s… (stutters) You’re not going to try to spin this somehow?
MARY
No. We need a human. And a human we can talk to. We don’t exactly have a whole address book of people who fit that description.
PARKER
What about Alicia? Or even Eulalie?
MARY
We both know Eulalie should keep avoiding that apartment.
PARKER
Okay, okay, fine. But Alicia?
MARY
I don’t trust her. She knows too much.
PARKER
Hm. A suspicious person could take that to mean you prefer to work with me because you can keep me in the dark.
MARY
A suspicious person could take it that way, yes.
SFX: Notification as Parker gets a text message; rustling as she gets out her phone.
PARKER
Shit. Eulalie’s in trouble. Ghosts are trying to break through Alicia’s wards.
MARY
That will be Lota and Josie.
PARKER
I thought you said Alicia and Eulalie weren’t the right people for your little job…
MARY
And it’s true. But desperate times…
PARKER
(making an angry sound)
Then I guess I’d better get back to Alicia’s before your friends convince my sister to do something reckless…
SFX: Hurried driving sounds; song plays, and eventually fades out.
SCENE 15
BACKGROUND SFX: Alicia’s apartment room tone, faint traffic passing occasionally. Heavy rain.
EULALIE
This haunting has a real hurry-up-and-wait vibe.
ALICIA
(laughs)
And how. But that means the wards are still working. For now. If we want to be able to go about our lives I am going to have to drop them.
EULALIE
So we can finally confront this ectoplasmic stalker?
ALICIA
Yup. You’ll have to be ready to pour the vinegar into the baking soda the instant the wards go down.
EULALIE
And you’ll do the throwing?
ALICIA
Mhm.
EULALIE
What if I’ve got a better throwing arm?
ALICIA
Hm. Were you part of a competitive bowling league during college?
EULALIE
Um… No?
ALICIA
Yeah, you’ll pour, I’ll throw.
EULALIE
Cool. Cool, cool, cool. So, um, how do you drop the wards?
ALICIA
I bleed.
SFX: Alicia grabs a knife out of the knife block
EULALIE
What?!
ALICIA
Just a little. On the threshold. You ready?
EULALIE
(breathes deep)
Ready as I’ll ever be.
ALICIA
Okay, the second you see blood––
EULALIE
––pour. I get it.
ALICIA
Good. On three. One.
EULALIE
Two.
ALICIA AND EULALIE
Three.
SFX: Alicia whimpers as she pricks her finger. The vinegar pours into the baking soda and starts fizzing; the front door opens and a jar is hurled at Parker, splashing.
BACKGROUND SFX: Rain stops.
PARKER
(shrieks)
ALICIA AND EULALIE
(shriek)
PARKER
What the heck?!
SFX: Dripping.
EULALIE
We thought you were a ghost.
PARKER
So you shower me in… What is this stuff?
ALICIA
A ghost bomb.
SFX: Whooshing sound as Mary appears.
MARY
Which we’d greatly appreciate you not throwing more of.
EULALIE
Mary?
SFX: Whooshing sound as Lota appears, followed by a brief joystick click and power wheelchair sound.
LOTA
And Lota.
SFX: Whooshing sound as Josie appears.
JOSIE
And Josie.
EULALIE
You were trying to get through Alicia’s wards?
MARY
Yes, and as I’m sure you can imagine, only because we had no other options.
PARKER
(muttering)
Except tracking me down at the airport…
EULALIE
(sarcastic laughs)
Okay. Putting that on the back burner for a little bit. Uh…What’s so important that you had to lay siege on Alicia’s apartment after weeks of no contact? Is Frankie okay? Did you figure out a way to unbind her?
MARY
We don’t know. We haven’t heard from her at all since the day of the exorcism.
EULALIE
Even with the phonograph?
JOSIE
Not a peep.
LOTA
And the apartment…It won’t let us anywhere near it.
JOSIE
Which is why we’re here. We need human intervention.
EULALIE
You… What? You want us to go to the apartment?
MARY
Against my better judgement, yes. But you don’t all need to go.
PARKER
(clears throat)
Just me. I’m going to go.
EULALIE
(sputtering)
It’s my apartment. My ghost…
JOSIE
Your what now?
EULALIE
The ghost who haunted me, anyway. Shouldn’t I be the one to…
ALICIA
Yeah, no. You know it’s too dangerous. If the apartment is still active enough to keep the other ghosts away, it’s still active enough to decide if it wants to keep you, too.
EULALIE
But it could do the same thing to Parker. I can’t let that happen.
PARKER
You don’t actually get a say in this. I’m a grown person making an informed decision to help. And I’m going to check on Frankie. Heck, I might even move in.
EULALIE
But…
PARKER
But what?
EULALIE
Overlooking the fact that you were at the airport without even saying goodbye, you were almost safe. I want you to be away from all of this. Safe from my mess. If you go to the apartment, if you stay at the apartment, who’s to say it won’t decide to keep you and kill you.
ALICIA
Eulalie––
EULALIE
––No! Alicia, you said houses have their tricks. A trip down the stairs, a slip in the bathtub. What’s going to stop the apartment from using them on Parker?
PARKER
I don’t care.
ALICIA
There are ways to prevent that. If a place doesn’t already have its hooks in you. (pauses) Say, Parker, how do you feel about tattoos?
SFX: Screeching transition…
SCENE 16
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
DANNY
Something’s happening.
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
NICK
What’s up?
SFX: Smartphone typing.
MYRTLE
(tired)
Again with the after-midnight-group-texts. Do none of you care about sleeping?
SFX: Message sending sound; phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
CAS
What’s happening?
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
DANNY
The sister is back. And she has a suitcase.
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
CAS
Maybe we’ll get lucky again and she’ll decide to leave…
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
DANNY
She’s opening the door.
SFX: Phone notification as Myrtle gets a text.
DANNY
She’s going in…
CREDITS
BACKGROUND SFX: Long version of the theme (simple guitar with spectral oohs and ohs and occasional cymbal crashes) fades in…
COURTNEY
This episode of The Way We Haunt Now was written and directed by Courtney Floyd with sound design by Brad Colbroock and voice acting, in order of appearance, by:
MARNIE
Marnie Warner as Parker
COURTNEY
Courtney Floyd as Eulalie
KIRA
Kira Apple as The Narrator and Mary
GEORGIA
Georgia Mckenzie as Josie
BECCA
Becca Marcus as Lota
DANNY
Danny Spiller as The Closet Ghost
BRAD
Brad Colbroock as Cas Bromley
LINDSAY
Lindsay Zana as Danny
TAL
Tal Minear as Myrtle
PAUL
Paul H. Rollins as Nick Castlewaight
JESSICA
Jessica Winston as Alicia
TIM LOWE
Tim Lowe as Jon Harker
BACKGROUND SFX: Theme music fades out…
COURTNEY
Have you ever ghost-proofed your home? Tell us about it on Twitter @HauntNowPod or on Insta at @HauntNowPod. Find more delectably ghoulish content on our website: hauntnowpod.com. And hey, ectoplasmic pals? Please remember to Haunt Responsibly!
JON HARKER
You’re listening to KBOU, K BOO, where the music is all spooky, all the time. Tonight, we have an extra special treat for you, ghouls and goths. Here’s a hint: it involves death, and an elevator…