- Eulalie’s Audio Journal
- Entry #3
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CW: This episode contains depictions of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. Take care, listener.
Theme, rhythmic guitar picking with drone and slightly out of tune violin, fades in…
This is Eulalie’s Audio Journal Entry #3.
Theme fades out.
Eulalie starts her recorder and sighs.
So, Alicia told Parker about my panic attack. Apparently, my toilet-flushing subterfuge was… less than successful.
Parker wants me to go back home. Wants us to go back home. This isn’t the first time she’s said it, and I know that she feels responsible for taking care of me and that it’s a heavy thing to carry, especially for a younger sister. I know that she thinks I’ll be able to recover there. To let myself be taken care of by her and my parents and… to get distance from all of this.
And, logically, that makes sense.
But I can’t do it.
I love my parents, I do. But I don’t need to jump back into my childhood to recover. I need to find my own footing. Find my new normal. And I like it here.
I keep telling Parker that she can go home. That I’ll be alright. I see her anxiety, I know she put her own life on pause to fly out here. I mean, heck, I helped her request “incompletes” on all the classes she missed finals for because of me.
But she won’t do it.
The Reeds are a stubborn family. It’s one of our defining characteristics.
It’s just. All of this adds to the pressure. To be fine. To seem fine. It adds to that nagging voice in my head that tells me I should be happy and grateful and thriving with this second chance.
I need time not to be fine.
And Parker needs to help me be fine.
Eulalie breathes deep and then exhales and makes her lips sputter, exasperated.
We’re at an impasse, and I don’t know what to do. Because I’m her big sister. It’s second nature to make her feel like everything’s going to be okay, even when the world is falling apart around us. But, no matter what I say, she can tell something’s not right. And with Alicia worried, too…
Eulalie sighs, rubs her face, scratches her head.
I’m not a broken thing that can be fixed with a good cleaning, some oil, and a check to make sure all the parts are in alignment.
I’m messier than that. I will be okay––sometimes, for a minute or an hour, I am okay––but…
Hotel door opens, two sets of footsteps. Eulalie sighs.
(with an agenda)
Hey, Eulie! I bumped into Alicia in the parking lot. We thought it might be nice to go walk around in the rose garden…
(trying not to impose)
Only if you’re up to it.
(False cheeriness) Sounds great! Let me get my shoes.
Rustling as Eulalie slides off the bed, and a long tone as Eulalie turns off the recorder.
Eulalie’s Audio Journal is a miniseries that takes place between seasons one and two of The Way We Haunt Now. This episode was written and produced by Courtney Floyd with voice acting by Courtney Floyd as Eulalie, Marnie Warner as Parker, and Jess Winston as Alicia. Our theme music is “Wrong Start” by Courtney.
We’re releasing these episodes as part of our season two fundraiser. Find out how you can help us keep haunting at igg.me/at/hauntnowpod